Brewpoint with Willie Moe

Its time for another edition of Brewpoint with Willie Moe! Yes folks its time for Willie Moe to dole out his opinions on something in the world of beer. Mmmmm, world of beer, aaaaaaggghh! In this edition we go into the seedy underbelly of Bud, dum, dum, dum, dah. But more specifically Bud Light and their “Drinkability” campaign.

It probably comes as no surprise that there is not one Beerjangler’ who is an avid drinker of Bud or Bud Light. Yes, even Dunford, the self proclaimed huguenot (whatever that means), parted ways with the self proclaimed “King of Beers” after he could no longer readily find BudDry, the only beer to this day that matches his unique wit and style. Is it because we are, what the world outside Brewtopia commonly refers to as “Beer Snobs”? Well, maybe partially. But I can guarantee that every single Beerjangler‘ has, in the last year, partook of a Pabst Blue Ribbon (and we were drinkning it long before it was trendy), or a Strohs, or a Gennessee Cream Ale, or a Schaeffer’s, or any number of other comparable beers. Well, alright, I realize there is nothing comparable to a sweet, sweet PBR, but you get the point. If you ever see us voluntarily forcing down one of Heir Wieser’s mainstays, it’s probably a good day for curling in “h-e-double hockey sticks”, if you catch my draught. If you don’t, it means Hell froze over, because us drinking Bud by choice is that far fetched. So, needless to say, we do not like Budweiser, as opposed to Bud Wiser, whom we love. But if there’s one thing, and there probably is only one thing, I could always count on from the Bud Empire, was clever and funny commercials.

This makes sense because they certainly aren’t putting all those thousands of dollars they make into making a better beer. From Spuds Mackenzie to the WAZZZZZZUP?! Guys to the Tree Frogs to any number of hilarious ads they have produced over the years, Bud has been the King of Advertising. Which is why I have been so distraught lately. These Drinkability ads are about as good as the product they are selling, which is to say they are not. The premise of these ads is to say that Bud Light has what all those other light beers are missing. Yep, you guessed it, “drinkability”. “Drinkability”?! Are you effin kidding me?! There point is that all light beers are not the same, which is, I guess slightly true, but are they trying to imply that Bud Light goes down easier than say, Coors Light? Because I’m pretty sure that is untrue. What they are equating “drinkability” to is how easy it goes down by more or less saying beer is only drinkable if it goes down like water. Which may be true for Joe Nascar Fan, but not for this guy! This guys wants something called “flavorability”! Yes, the ability to have flavor in my mouth, whilst getting drunk. I know it’s an “out there” concept, but it could just catch on! But the Budheads idea of “drinkability” is not even the thing making me the most mad! No, it isn’t! Keep reading.

You see in these ads, someone will ask for any light beer because, “they all taste the same.” This then cues the random dude who has the Zack Morris ability of freezing time to go over the inaccuracy of this statement. Now if this were actually Zack Morris, that would be funny! But I digress. Joe or Josephine Time Freezer proceeds to move through the backyard barbecue, asking us if eating ground beef is the same as eating beef off the ground, or if drinking regular water is the same as drinking birdbath water, or eating a carrot stick is the same as eating a stick, stick. My first question is how do these people get the ability to freeze time, when they clearly didn’t even have the ability to do well on the analogy portion of their SATs? Even Zack Morris got a 1502 on his SATs. Okay, I suppose freezing time would be more indicative of their math portion, not their verbal, but anyways. The fact remains that not one of these comparisons is relevant or funny. I mean basically the comparisons would be more like Light Beer in a can is not like licking light beer off the ground. Maybe if they were like, “is eating a hamburger from McDonald’s the same as a eating hamburger from Ruby Tuesday’s? Is taking a dump at home the same as taking a dump at a gas station? Is poking a bear behind bars at the zoo, the same as poking a bear out in the woods, unprotected?” I don’t know if they mean for these to be ironical or something, but what I do know is they do not make me laugh and that is about all I have ever got from the King of Beers. The commercial where there’s a creepy hitchhiker with an axe and a twelver of Bud Light, and the guy in the car dismisses his lady friend’s comment about not picking him up because he has an axe, with, ‘”but he’s got Bud Light.”? That’s funny! But it even gets funnier than that. When asked what the axe is for, the stranger’s reply is, “To open the Bud Light?” Come on?! You kidding me? I’m giggling just thinking about it! So please Anheuser-Busch, I implore you, stick to what you know, making crappy beer and funny commercials. It’s all I ask. And this has been Willie Moe’s Brewpoint!

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~ by William H on December 8, 2008.

One Response to “Brewpoint with Willie Moe”

  1. Why I’m drinking a Genny Cream right now!

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